MerryMommy

Sunrise above the clouds. Surf the crisp island air. Snorkel gorgeous reefs. Swim with sea turtles. Cycle 26 miles down the side of a volcano. A short list of things I did last week in Maui. And when I returned home and shared my adventures, do you know what my children asked me, excitedly: "Mommy, you didn't get eaten by a shark?!" Me, standing there alive and well: "No... no, I didn't get eaten by a shark." With elated exclamations of amazement: "Mommy! You are so brave!!!" I wasn't quite sure if they would have been more impressed if I had  been eaten by a shark. But, I was glad to have impressed them with my survival all the same. Who knew that putting myself out of my comfort zone in all these real ways would pale in comparison to the perceived threat these children imagined me to face. But they were right about one thing: I am brave. Even though I personally made all the plans to do these adventure excursions on my vacat...

  Strong mothers.  We all know them. We look to them during difficult times.  We watch how they respond to challenges. We listen to their wisdom.  We learn from their experience.  We trust their guidance. 18 years ago today our nation’s mother, Lady Liberty, was put to the ultimate test before our very eyes.  Her twins were attacked.  These emblems of greatness were stolen from her after years of guarding them from her watchful safe harbor.  The unthinkable became reality.  We were helpless children. We looked to her. We watched. We listened. We learned. We trusted.  We became.  We became better as a nation, as neighbors, and as New Yorkers.  Today I sent my own New Yorker twins to school with their neighbors in our nation’s colors.  I told them that today we remember an attack on our country by honoring the heroes: the brave, valiant men and women who gave all f...

Big black tires slow, Screeching breaks, it's time to go. Kindergarten. Whoa. I can't believe I am saying this, but my boys started kindergarten today. Those two little preemie fighters I was just snuggling in the NICU got on the school bus and drove off to their next big chapter of childhood. I have been thinking about this day for a while and feeling so excited for them, and (let's face it) for me. I don't feel sad to "lose" them, rather proud of who they have become and the energy and love poured into getting them to this place. It is an accomplishment for both them and for me. One which I readily celebrated today. But one thing that lingered with me for the past several weeks was actually spurred by a game of Candy Land. Now, this was my favorite game as a child: The winding colorful path of sweet squares punctuated by sugary surprises, culminating in the greatest candy castle one could imagine. I love that my kids love this game as much...

To be a bright light In another's darkest days: Unforgettable. You can take the mama out of the NICU, but you can't take the NICU out of the mama. I have written about this before, but it bears repeating, especially since there are several readers new to my blog since I first wrote about my NICU experiences 4 years ago (but go check them out now to catch up). Spending time in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit with infants undergoing critical, lifesaving treatment, all the while physically recovering from childbirth yourself is TRAUMATIC. It is especially conflicting because the moment that is sourcing your trauma is the exact moment society has consistently told you should be the most joyful moment of your life: becoming a mother. The smiling new mommy you see in the picture above is not the same smiling mommy you see in my feed these days. This mama of 3 week old preemie twins was struggling. She was joyful every day that her babies were growing and stable, but she ...

When raising daughters: Fill her up or dress her up? Beauty from within. Raising a little girl felt different from raising little boys right from the very moment I found out it was, in fact, a girl. Life is just different, society is different, and expectations are different for girls. Identifying as a strong, confident woman myself, and knowing the challenges we can face, I felt like I would have to start while she was very young to build up a loved and cherished yet strongly built little girl who could stand up to whatever challenges life threw her way. One of these "boy mom" vs. "girl mom" differences centered around beauty. Sure, my boys were and are completely adorable and handsome little guys, and people comment accordingly. But boys also get comments about how strong they are, how smart they are, and when they behave in a particularly caring and compassionate way, they are praised. With girls, feedback from society is almost always exclusively ...

How do you work with Sticky fingers on the keys? Patience, love, and grace. From the first few weeks that my twin boys were home, everyone coming in and out would say: "Wow. I don't know how you do it!" Or in question form: "Whew! How do you do it?" I just do. I don't know any other way. As they grew a little older and we ventured out to library classes and to playground visits I heard it even more frequently: "Two little boys! Wow. How do you do it?" Well, I'm so glad you asked...I have no idea. I just do. Once Felicity was born and I was out and about with 2 toddlers and an infant, the familiar question was even more frequent, along with lots of other unsolicited commentary that moms with multiple small children are all to familiar with. Who's with me?  "3 under 3?! How do you do it?" Well, still, I don't really know. But I'm doing it! I mean, I sort of felt like by that point the general public would have...

The circle of life. After winter must come spring. Mom! Look! A flower! Three weeks have passed since we officially welcomed spring. Since that day, my children have been waking up every morning and asking: “Mom, where are the flowers?” They have even spent time staring at dirt, watching and waiting. Their precious little minds know that spring brings flowers, and so, why aren’t we seeing them just yet? The logician in me answers them kindly yet matter-of-factly, and their Pre-K science lessons have helped a bit in their understanding of the life cycle too. But as I assure them that the flowers of spring will soon come to life and be visible all around us, I can’t help but be in awe of their innocent willingness to wake up one morning out of winter and see spring: color, beauty, sunshine, and flowers. Well, it finally happened. As we were walking in our yard a few days ago, one of my 4.5 year old boys stopped suddenly and shouted “Mom! Look! A flower!” As I look...

What matters the most with one precious life to live? We get what we give. Do you remember growing up and asking you parents to tell you stories about when you were a baby? Did you love to hear stories about your first words, how you learned to walk, what special relatives witnessed some of your "firsts," and what adorable things you did to make your parents smile? Maybe you're even lucky enough to have seen home videos of these memories. Well, for my 4 year old boys, their favorite stories to hear from me are from their earliest days in the NICU. Cameron will often call from the backseat: "Mommy, can you tell us the story about when we were born in the hospital?" Of course I always oblige, and by now they can tell you themselves the obstacles they overcame, who was born first, who came home first, how Cameron's heart rate dropped and he had to stay for 5 more days, and how the nurses took such special care of them when mommy and daddy weren'...

One year had passed by, Now yet another has too. Still awestruck by you.  I originally wrote this on Felcity's 1st birthday. Now with her 2nd birthday looming, I'm sharing this on the blog. My fierce little woman--cannot believe you are turning 2! It is truly unbelievable that one year ago at this moment, I was cradling my 2 hours old daughter to my chest. A sweet baby girl that I had prayed for and dreamed of. And who so delicately yet powerfully fulfilled the desires of my heart that I didn’t even know were residing there. When I laid eyes on my daughter I realized something: There is a palpable connection in becoming a mother to a daugh ter, for this is the only mother-child relationship I have ever personally known, but from the other perspective. I am a daughter of a mother. And now, I am a daughter who has a daughter. The powerful rush of ancestry tying each woman before me suddenly felt incredibly empowering yet incredibly heavy. It was my job to nurture this...

I am so sorry I can't tell what you look like My poor baby boy... You'll want to look at the accompanying picture before you read the rest of this. This is my first picture with my sweet baby Joshua. The moment we first met face to face (we had met heart to heart many months before). Unfortunately, that first face to face interaction didn't provide much of a view of his sweet little face. Instead, I saw tubes and tape and machinery. While Cameron was born able to breathe on his own, or "on room air" (which I quickly learned was a medical term never to be taken for granted again), Joshua needed some assistance. Because Joshua's water never broke, he didn't have the chance to practice his breathing exercises on the inside. And because my labor was extremely fast (3 hours start to babies), I was only able to get one steroid shot to help him out. So, sweet baby J was whisked swiftly away from me moments after delivery to get...

Three pounds eight ounces Soft, warm weight upon my chest "Tiny but Mighty" These reassuring words came from Amy, the nurse who taught me how to express milk and use a breastpump (more on that pleasure in another post), in the few hours after delivery. As she matter-of-factly went about her duties in the first hours after my twin delivery, she simply said not to worry about the boys, they would be fine: "I say they are Tiny but Mighty." Those words became my mantra over the coming weeks. I knew she was right the moment I held Cameron for the first time. As I was wheeled into the first NICU nursery I had ever been in, I glanced rapidly around the room at the various isolettes and wondered which one held my precious baby boy. I was brought around the corner to the right and Cameron's nurse, Deanna, greeted me. I peered in at this little angel and had no idea what to do: Was I allowed to hold him? To touch him? To kiss him? More importantly... Was he ...

Puuush Waaa  Puuush Waaaaa  YES! I did it! WE  did it! Wait -- Where are my babies? Welcome to my 32-week twin delivery.  My doctor told me there were three big risks with a twin pregnancy: "Preterm labor. Preterm labor. Preterm labor." So, theoretically, I had months to prepare for my twins' early arrival. And prepare I did. Or so I thought. The truth is, nothing could really prepare me. How could it? I had never in my adult life experienced someone close to me deliver a baby prematurely. Quite luckily, my family and friends had punctuated their pregnancies with healthy and happy mommy-baby units spending precious first moments in a hospital room together. Gleeful guests coming and going. Sharing family "firsts" on film (or on phone, as it goes these days). And I genuinely didn't know what else post-delivery looked like.  It wasn't until the moments Cameron and Joshua arrived did I get a glimpse--no, an IMAX 3D front row view--of wha...

Joy is the rare gift that, when given away, is returned to you. When I began this blog 4 years ago, it was focused on sharing the story of my life as a new mom of preemie twins. While those stories are still an integral part of who I am today, I knew there was a greater purpose for this blog, and that one day when I was less sleep deprived and more coherent, I would embark on the journey toward that purpose. The purpose, you ask? To spread joy and connect with people in doing so. With a name that literally means happiness, I felt compelled to share that very literal calling for as long as I can remember. If you know me personally, you know this to be true. In fact, over and over again throughout my life I have heard sentiments like this: "You are always so happy, smiling, and looking on the bright side. I wish I were like that!" Now I'm going to tell you something that you've probably heard before, but that I want you to really listen to carefully now: You c...