Feel Beautiful

When raising daughters:
Fill her up or dress her up?
Beauty from within.



Raising a little girl felt different from raising little boys right from the very moment I found out it was, in fact, a girl. Life is just different, society is different, and expectations are different for girls. Identifying as a strong, confident woman myself, and knowing the challenges we can face, I felt like I would have to start while she was very young to build up a loved and cherished yet strongly built little girl who could stand up to whatever challenges life threw her way.

One of these "boy mom" vs. "girl mom" differences centered around beauty. Sure, my boys were and are completely adorable and handsome little guys, and people comment accordingly. But boys also get comments about how strong they are, how smart they are, and when they behave in a particularly caring and compassionate way, they are praised. With girls, feedback from society is almost always exclusively focused on looks: Beauty, outfit, accessories, hair style.

Yes, just yesterday I was stopped walking out of the pediatrician's office by a woman who just "can't help but admire" Felicity's hair. By that time Felicity was simply sporting her single sprout. Very cute, but also the same thing you might see any other little 2 year old with barely-there hair sporting. Little did this lady know how glamorous of a hairstyle my little firecracker had sported that morning. And how much more beautiful it was in her little 2 year old heart.

That morning, I didn't do Felicity's hair. Instead, after everyone was dressed, her big brothers said they were going to do her hair. "Ok..." I thought. "...I"ll get the knots out and fix it out once they're done."  What happened next taught me an incredibly important and unexpected lesson as a mom and as a woman.

I heard giggles erupting from Felicity's room for a few minutes and I was a little nervous for the outcome but knew they were having fun. After a few minutes the boys shouted "Mommy!! We finished Felicity's hair!" I heard pitter patters down the hall towards my room, and in walked the most glowingly gorgeous, curiously coiffed little girl I had ever seen.

My sweet girl's head was covered in every single barrette and hair clip she owned. It was heavy and messy and sure to not last long. But her big brothers had spent time with her, crafted this look just for her, and in that special time and care had given her the glow she was radiating. While she stood there donning this mane menagerie, she looked up at me beaming in pure bliss and said: "Mommy. I look like beautiful princess."

Gosh. My heart jumped out of my chest and I was reminded, in this amazing moment of sibling love and admiration, that beauty isn't about how you look. Beauty is about how you feel.

I'll be keeping this photo handy for years as a reminder of just that. Let's raise our daughters to feel beautiful by filling them up rather than raising them to look beautiful by dressing them up.