Soft goodnight kisses.
The Three Hundred Sixty Fifth
As sweet as the First.
The first sweet baby good night kiss seems like ages ago, yet I can still feel it on my lips. I would have given anything to hold my babies all night that first night. Tonight, I gently place them in their cribs, rub my aching lower back, and leave the room for a long 11 hours until they wake up to celebrate in the morning. Their first birthday is tomorrow. And tonight is the one year anniversary of the night that forever changed my life.
I could never have fathomed the abrupt division of my life before and after Cameron and Joshua. Last July 14th if you asked what my plans were for life with the boys I would have told you:
I would be going back to work--how could we afford a family of 4 without two salaries?
I would be maintaining friendships that were part of my daily life.
I would be showering each day.
I would be eating well to provide the best nutrition for my breastfeeding babies.
I would be bonding with my husband over our new miracles.
I would be a new, fulfilled version of myself that I had been anticipating for as long as I could remember.
This July 14th, you might be surprised to hear that these plans went off without a hitch.
I went back to work. No, not to my old job (whatever that was, it's hard to remember), but to the most demanding full time, no, triple time, position one could ever imagine. I no longer wondered how we could afford a family of 4 without two salaries. I wondered, instead, how we ever thought life was about what we spent money on versus what we spent time on.
I maintained some friendships, entirely lost others, and developed one of the very best friendships I have ever known. I bonded with mommy friends whom I had never fully appreciated before. When one becomes a mother, one wonders how friends could have gone through this life change as their friends (yourself included) stood idly by expecting them to stay the same person they had always been.
I showered every day. I showered two sweet angels with love, kisses, praise, and affection.
I ate well. I embraced the extra 1500 calories per day I needed to nourish two additional lives. I savored my daily afternoon blueberry donut. A tiny bright spot in my long days in the NICU.
I bonded with my husband. We agreed on more things than we ever had before: We're tired. It's your turn. We're tired. Let's order in. We're tired. We made two perfect people. We're tired.
I was most certainly a new version of myself, only I looked nothing like I had imagined. And the fulfillment took a long while to arrive. I have often said to those who ask: "My life completely and suddenly stopped. And then it immediately started again. I cannot remember who or what I was before the boys arrived, and I don't want to."
And so as I type these final words, I am one year and moments away from the instant that my water broke and my life stopped. Then within hours, three new lives began.
Happy First Birthday my sweet, sweet boys. No gift I can give to you will ever be as wonderful as the gift of life you have given to me.
Follow me on Instagram @merrymommyblog
The Three Hundred Sixty Fifth
As sweet as the First.
The first sweet baby good night kiss seems like ages ago, yet I can still feel it on my lips. I would have given anything to hold my babies all night that first night. Tonight, I gently place them in their cribs, rub my aching lower back, and leave the room for a long 11 hours until they wake up to celebrate in the morning. Their first birthday is tomorrow. And tonight is the one year anniversary of the night that forever changed my life.
I could never have fathomed the abrupt division of my life before and after Cameron and Joshua. Last July 14th if you asked what my plans were for life with the boys I would have told you:
I would be going back to work--how could we afford a family of 4 without two salaries?
I would be maintaining friendships that were part of my daily life.
I would be showering each day.
I would be eating well to provide the best nutrition for my breastfeeding babies.
I would be bonding with my husband over our new miracles.
I would be a new, fulfilled version of myself that I had been anticipating for as long as I could remember.
This July 14th, you might be surprised to hear that these plans went off without a hitch.
I went back to work. No, not to my old job (whatever that was, it's hard to remember), but to the most demanding full time, no, triple time, position one could ever imagine. I no longer wondered how we could afford a family of 4 without two salaries. I wondered, instead, how we ever thought life was about what we spent money on versus what we spent time on.
I maintained some friendships, entirely lost others, and developed one of the very best friendships I have ever known. I bonded with mommy friends whom I had never fully appreciated before. When one becomes a mother, one wonders how friends could have gone through this life change as their friends (yourself included) stood idly by expecting them to stay the same person they had always been.
I showered every day. I showered two sweet angels with love, kisses, praise, and affection.
I ate well. I embraced the extra 1500 calories per day I needed to nourish two additional lives. I savored my daily afternoon blueberry donut. A tiny bright spot in my long days in the NICU.
I bonded with my husband. We agreed on more things than we ever had before: We're tired. It's your turn. We're tired. Let's order in. We're tired. We made two perfect people. We're tired.
I was most certainly a new version of myself, only I looked nothing like I had imagined. And the fulfillment took a long while to arrive. I have often said to those who ask: "My life completely and suddenly stopped. And then it immediately started again. I cannot remember who or what I was before the boys arrived, and I don't want to."
And so as I type these final words, I am one year and moments away from the instant that my water broke and my life stopped. Then within hours, three new lives began.
Happy First Birthday my sweet, sweet boys. No gift I can give to you will ever be as wonderful as the gift of life you have given to me.
Follow me on Instagram @merrymommyblog
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