Leave them here for weeks?
I never thought I'd say this:
NICU Nostalgia
I spent months praying that my babies would make it full term enough to come right home with me. The thought of leaving them in the hospital and spending days or, worse, weeks commuting to be with them was unimaginable. I always said "I just don't want to have to leave them in the hospital." I had the picture perfect idea of what our first days as a family of four would look like. None of those daydreamed visions involved watching my babies through isolette portholes, with feeding tubes in their noses and IVs in their tiny little arms.
The Neonatal attending doctor came to visit me in recovery a couple hours after the boys were born. I remember him coming in and beginning to rattle through the medical needs they had, what sorts of treatments they would receive, and what NICU policies were. I remember that he said those things, but I don't remember what they were. I sat listening to a blur of words waiting for the only part I cared about: How long would they be here? I thought my babies could be the mini miracle men who were born at 32 weeks and somehow were just as developed as 38 weekers. Wasn't there a chance they could be home with me in 2 days? "You should expect them to be here for a minimum of two to three weeks," he said.
Well, after the first few days in the NICU I learned how to take care of my babies in the hospital. I got to change their diapers, give them sponge baths, dress them in tiny little outfits, take tons of pictures, and spend hours holding them skin to skin on my chest where they belonged. I spent 12 hours a day with them, making sure to stay through the change of shift at 7pm and meet the nurses who would care for them overnight before I left. I still cried every night when I had to leave, but I knew they were well cared for. While my first weeks with the boys had a gray cloud looming over them, it wasn't until my first week home that I realized that cloud's silver lining.
Once I was home with the boys, the reality of parenting newborn twins set in. After a week with daddy home to help, I was on my own. It was hard. So very, very hard. I found myself thinking...what would I have done if I had to bring these babies home two days after delivery? How would I have figured it all out? Would I have learned to breastfeed two babies at once? Would I have learned how to successfully pump so others could help bottle feed? Would I have known what sort of schedule they should be on? Would I have been able to notice the little things about them? Their unique sounds, smells, coos, and cries? Where was my personal cheering squad? Where were the nurses encouraging me, hugging me, praising me, and most importantly--helping me? How would I have managed this new twin motherhood without the training wheels of the NICU?
I felt so guilty when my husband came home from work one of those first days and I uttered these words: "Don't think I'm crazy. I am so glad the boys are home and healthy and I'd never wish to do it over again, but.... I feel nostalgic for the NICU."
I had a pleasant reminder of this today when I learned that our picture was published in Winthrop's Newsletter this month. I learned so much from our nurses, doctors, and experiences in the NICU. I will be forever grateful for them.
Please help support the work of NICU nurses, doctors, parents and babies.
Join our journey: http://www.marchforbabies.org/ChiuBabies
Follow me on Instagram:@merrymommyblog
I never thought I'd say this:
NICU Nostalgia
I spent months praying that my babies would make it full term enough to come right home with me. The thought of leaving them in the hospital and spending days or, worse, weeks commuting to be with them was unimaginable. I always said "I just don't want to have to leave them in the hospital." I had the picture perfect idea of what our first days as a family of four would look like. None of those daydreamed visions involved watching my babies through isolette portholes, with feeding tubes in their noses and IVs in their tiny little arms.
The Neonatal attending doctor came to visit me in recovery a couple hours after the boys were born. I remember him coming in and beginning to rattle through the medical needs they had, what sorts of treatments they would receive, and what NICU policies were. I remember that he said those things, but I don't remember what they were. I sat listening to a blur of words waiting for the only part I cared about: How long would they be here? I thought my babies could be the mini miracle men who were born at 32 weeks and somehow were just as developed as 38 weekers. Wasn't there a chance they could be home with me in 2 days? "You should expect them to be here for a minimum of two to three weeks," he said.
Well, after the first few days in the NICU I learned how to take care of my babies in the hospital. I got to change their diapers, give them sponge baths, dress them in tiny little outfits, take tons of pictures, and spend hours holding them skin to skin on my chest where they belonged. I spent 12 hours a day with them, making sure to stay through the change of shift at 7pm and meet the nurses who would care for them overnight before I left. I still cried every night when I had to leave, but I knew they were well cared for. While my first weeks with the boys had a gray cloud looming over them, it wasn't until my first week home that I realized that cloud's silver lining.
Once I was home with the boys, the reality of parenting newborn twins set in. After a week with daddy home to help, I was on my own. It was hard. So very, very hard. I found myself thinking...what would I have done if I had to bring these babies home two days after delivery? How would I have figured it all out? Would I have learned to breastfeed two babies at once? Would I have learned how to successfully pump so others could help bottle feed? Would I have known what sort of schedule they should be on? Would I have been able to notice the little things about them? Their unique sounds, smells, coos, and cries? Where was my personal cheering squad? Where were the nurses encouraging me, hugging me, praising me, and most importantly--helping me? How would I have managed this new twin motherhood without the training wheels of the NICU?
I felt so guilty when my husband came home from work one of those first days and I uttered these words: "Don't think I'm crazy. I am so glad the boys are home and healthy and I'd never wish to do it over again, but.... I feel nostalgic for the NICU."
I had a pleasant reminder of this today when I learned that our picture was published in Winthrop's Newsletter this month. I learned so much from our nurses, doctors, and experiences in the NICU. I will be forever grateful for them.
Please help support the work of NICU nurses, doctors, parents and babies.
Join our journey: http://www.marchforbabies.org/ChiuBabies
Follow me on Instagram:
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